How to turn a breakup into a powerful self-discovery journey

1. ‘Own’ your decision 2. Leave & don’t look back – 3. Remove ‘all’ the triggers – 4. Create ‘brand new’ relationships – 5. Don’t talk about your ‘ex’ – 6. Rebuild your ‘new’ identity

Breakup Recovery Manuela Lanza Public Speaking Coach

How to turn a breakup into a powerful self-discovery journey

1. ‘Own’ your decision 2. Leave & don’t look back – 3. Remove ‘all’ the triggers – 4. Create ‘brand new’ relationships – 5. Don’t talk about your ‘ex’ – 6. Rebuild your ‘new’ identity

Breakup Recovery Manuela Lanza Public Speaking Coach

Do you like Nutella? (I love it!)

If it was in your kitchen now… Would you manage NOT to eat it?

It’s called Emotional attachment. 

Your brain connects ‘nutella’ with the emotion of ‘pleasure’ or ‘validation’.

It ‘s like a drug.

It is connecting your ‘ex’ with emotions such as: ‘safety’, ‘validation’, ‘comfort’ ‘pleasure’… 

So it’s totally normal you miss your ex right now. Your ‘junkie’ brain is having withdrawal symptoms.

Give yourself space and patience.

LISTEN, if my boyfriend didn’t get divorced, we wouldn’t be together, buying a house in Ronda and planning to have a baby… 

BELIEVE in your power of transformation and creation. 

In the previous article you learned how to ‘own’ your decisions. So let’s start your emotional attachment DETOX.


'Own' your decision

Being insecure is exhausting.

Want to avoid spinning in fear & self-doubt forever?

Learn to make a decision and ‘own it’.

This goes beyond your relationship, this will empower you for your whole life. Remember this:

1 The power is always in your decisions.

2 Your life is the result of your decisions.

Do you know what makes superheroes different?

Superheroes also feel fear but STILL take action.

So decide to be the superhero of your own life and own your decisions and its consequences (good or bad).

Set up a ‘solid foundation’ to create a more free & confident version of yourself.


Leave & do NOT look back

It might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised at how so many couples with zero future still live under the same roof.

Get REAL. 

It’s pretty ‘impossible’ to get over your ex if you both are living in the same house!

It’s time to stop finding excuses to step back.

Go forward.

If you are the one owing the house, kindly support the other person to leave.

If you are the person needing a new home, prioritise your independence & self-discovery over ‘comforts’. 

Be mature and accept you both need to take different paths.


Remove ‘ALL’ the triggers

‘Out of sight, out of mind’

Deciding to ‘stay friends’ when you still feel for each other is a huge LIE.

So get a box NOW.

Drop all objects & pictures that remind you of your ex and ask a friend to store it for you.

Having these items around can make it harder and longer to recover from a breakup. 

And, of course…

Unfollow your ex on social media

Avoid being around his/her family members or friends

No phone calls, e-mails or text messages

You don’t have to stop talking forever, just until you have gotten over the relationship, so your decisions will come from confidence and NOT from attachment, insecurity or fear.


Build 'brand new' relationships

Focus on creating a NEW ‘support system’: hire a Coach or a therapist and create new friends.

You are building a ‘new you’, so it’s the perfect time to create ‘new friends that will match your new identity’!

You will discover who you are BETTER through new relationships.

A great social tip is connecting to people through activities you are passionate about: Yoga, tennis, hiking… so you:

1 Get confident

2 Get fit & healthy. 

This will also help you clear your mind from any ‘ex’ dramas.

If you want to skyrocket your social skills, you can join my free masterclass next week. It will be fun!


Don't talk about your 'ex'

If you want to heal fast, stop talking about your ‘ex’ (especially in your mind)

Of course you can vent your sorrows, once, maximum twice? 

Then STOP IT. It  won’t help you.

It might sound strange, but when we talk about something, we are putting our ‘mental energy’ into that direction.

It’s like touching a ‘wound’ that needs to heal. 


‘Don’t touch it’. 


'Rebuild' your new identity

Disconnect to ‘reconnect’ to who you really are.

This is the best time to understand who you are without your ex.

Of course you will feel alone.

Of course you will feel sad, frustrated, angry, scared, you name it.

Of course your brain will sell you ‘amazing reasons’ to step back.

Ignore them all.

Honour your decision & practice ‘self-regulation’.

Learning to silence ‘toxic thoughts’ before they become a ‘snow ball rolling down hill’ is what we constantly work on in coaching.

So if you feel you are not in charge of your own mind, you keep spinning in circles, you don’t feel capable of creating a new life for you, investing in coaching helps a lot.

It gives you clarity, confidence & direction.

Invest in discovering who you are now, not yesterday.

That’s why building new relationships is KEY, because you can start working on the person you want to become, in a safe space, where people don’t know the old version of you and won’t judge you.

When we feel lost & vulnerable is crucial to have a safe space to silence the noise & tap into our truth.

Investing in a Coach will save you years of your life.

Because you will train a clean mind & break old patterns,  so your decisions will come from your truth and not  from confusion & fear.

I care about you.

I want you to step to move forward, not backwards.

If you want to step into your power asap, I can guide you throught this journey, just book your free consultation here.

Opening yourself to new opportunities will feel amazing.

If you would like me to write about a specific topic, don’t be shy and just ask!

Your Voice matters, let’s make it HEARD.

Happy Monday!


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